Dear Agony Aunt,

I am the City of Newburgh.

I am a single mother struggling to make ends meet.  I am writing to you because I am worried about my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is THE HOSPITAL.  He does some nice things for me — he buys flowers and builds little parks — and he looks after himself, keeping a neat appearance and building little additions to himself like a $21 Million parking garage.  He says these things make him a better boyfriend, and show how much he cares about me.

But inside I’m not so sure.  My daughter suffers from depression and has tried to commit suicide on more than one occasion.  Several times she was an inpatient at the mental health unit of THE HOSPITAL, and it was invaluable to have a safe place for her to be that was also nearby so I could visit.  THE HOSPITAL decided to shut down the mental health unit because it wasn’t profitable.  It didn’t matter that my daughter had formed relationships with some of THE HOSPITAL staff, or that the next nearest place to go, THAT OTHER HOSPITAL, is forty-five minutes away.  That is an interminable distance if you are a single mother paying for round-trip taxi service.  The result is, I cannot visit as often, and I know it helps my daughter to be able to see me.  (And by the way, not that this is THE HOSPITAL’s fault, but THAT OTHER HOSPITAL that just opened a brand new building has also drastically reduced the size of the facilities dedicated for their mental health unit.)

My son has had his problems too.  He has battled substance abuse for years, and has been a heroin addict.  He used to go to the methadone clinic that THE HOSPITAL ran.  But then my boyfriend decided he wouldn’t do that clinic any more.  It mustn’t have been as chi-chi as he would have liked.  And, of course, it was “unprofitable.”

My daughter and son grew up in the City of Newburgh, which THE HOSPITAL has a non-profit mission to serve.  But it seems like the grittier, unseemly, stigmatized conditions like mental illness and substance abuse are something that THE HOSPITAL does not want to acknowledge exist or have any responsibility for treating.  This makes me wonder if my boyfriend really cares about me and my children.  He says he loves me, and my children are a part of me, but I sometimes wonder if he means what he says.

Another cause of conflict is financial.  Like many cities these days, I barely break even.  The financial situation with my boyfriend, though, is one way.  He benefits from things I give him, like the access to the bonds for the parking lot, and all the municipal services, but he makes no gesture in return.  Sometimes he tells me he will give me some money, maybe, IF he knows where the money will go and approves of its use.  Most of the time he lives and works here, but he does not come home to me — he goes to some wealthy suburb.

And the most heartbreaking thing is that he constantly threatens to leave me.  We might have a little argument, maybe he wants something from me and I am having a hard time making up my mind.  He will throw a tantrum and say if I don’t give him what he wants, THE HOSPITAL is moving somewhere else.  What am I to do?  I do need a hospital, even though it seems like THE HOSPITAL increasingly serves only people with politically correct, non-stigmatized, money-making conditions.

With him, he’ll just say, “that’s it — I’m outta here,” and even though it could be just the heat of the moment, it hurts, and it makes me feel like I have to give him whatever he wants.  And maybe that is exactly how he wants me to feel.  After all, I am just a poor little city, with all my problems and my children’s problems, I am in no position to stand up to him.

What should I do?  He can be so charming, and THE HOSPITAL is always doing something nice in the newspapers.

I just don’t know if this is a healthy relationship, whether it can be fixed, or if it’s not worth salvaging.

Agony Aunt, what do you think?

– City of Newburgh

Agony Aunt Responds:  Thank you for your recent submission.  Due to the volume of submissions I receive, I am not able to respond to each individually.  To receive a response, you must have proof of identity and pre-authorization of insurance and/or proof of sufficient finances to cover costs.  If you are a Medicaid recipient with a condition that is not fully reimbursed by the government, I will be unable to respond without evidence of sufficient finances.